The Hanging Shad’s ‘Apropos of Nothing’

“You know, Santa Claus and ho-ho-ho, and mistletoe and presents to pretty girls.” – Lucy Van Pelt.

Here is the holiday version of The Hanging Shad’s “Apropos of Nothing,” an ode to items completely unrelated, somewhat circumspect and random in the best way.

1. “Who, us?” It’s started already. The Trump kids are already starting to try to cash in on their fame and access to their soon-to-be president father. A fundraiser invitation features the opportunity to go on a hunting or fishing trip with Eric or Donny, Jr. and access to president…at a price. That’s $500,000 and more. When a draft of the “camouflage and cufflinks”-themed fundraiser was leaked, the Trumpsters backpedaled faster than an antelope in a game farm which I imagine is where the boys hunt.

“Opening Day – 2017” is the title of the invite which reads, “Opening Day is your opportunity to play a significant role as our family commemorates the inauguration of our father, friend and President Donald J. Trump. Join us as we celebrate the great American tradition of outdoor sporting, shooting, fishing and conservation.”

Donors can buy the “Bald Eagle” package for $1 million. It gets you:
• Private reception and photo opportunity for 16 guests with President Donald J. Trump
• Four autographed guitars by an Opening Day 2017 performer
• Elite Hunter’s Package with commemorative custom details
• Multi-day hunting and/or fishing excursion for 4 guests with
Donald Trump, Jr. and/or Eric Trump, and team
• Much more

Can’t find a spare million? Don’t worry. The “Elk Package” only costs $.250,000.

When the obvious conflict concerns were raised, the Trump transition team issued a statement saying neither the boys nor their father have anything to do with the fundraiser. Seems strange as the two sons are still listed as honorary chairs. All of this speaks to the problems a Trump administration will have with conflicts until (or if) he erects a firewall. Right now, no one seems to know the rules.

2. Where’s Doc Brown? Trump’s personal physician is quite the character. It seems he didn’t consider that Trump would be the oldest person to take the top office. But then again, Dr. Harold Bornstein has a handle on the line of succession. “If something happens to him, then it happens to him,” Bornstein said. “It’s like all the rest of us, no? That’s why we have a vice president and a speaker of the House and a whole line of people. They can just keep dying.” Thank you doctor. That’s beautiful.

3. Goat Boy! Things can get weird in Maine. Take the case of Phelan Moonsong, an ordained pagan priest. Moonsong has won the right to wear goat horns in his Maine driver’s license photo.

goat-boy

Pagan Priest Phelon Moonsong (in horns).

He claims that it’s part of his religion not unlike a nun’s habit or a Sikh’s turban. He says we wears the horns at all times except for sleeping or bathing. He calls them his spiritual antennae. For real.

4. The obvious choice. The Washington Post’s engaging columnist Chris Cilliza has named Hillary Clinton as the winner of Worst Candidate of the Year list. No argument here. In fact, I would draw the comparison between Clinton and Massachusetts’ awful campaigner (but nice person) Martha Coakley. Cilliza’s also-rans include Evan Bayh, Jeb Bush and Ted Strickland.

5. What’s with Mitch McConnell? How can he not acquiesce to a select committee to get to the bottom of the Russian hacking into our November election? Fellow Republican big shot Sens. John McCain and Lindsay Graham both want one. Aren’t free and fair elections the bedrock of our democracy? This isn’t partisan—the GOP controls the Senate both now and in the new Congress.

6. Reliving it. Yes, I’ll be going to see “Patriot’s Day.” The crew could be seen around here in Boston when filming and again for the red carpet premiere.

7. A child’s laughter. I’ll also be joining some little ones in seeing “Sing.” We can all use some laughs designed for children.

8. They’re magically delicious! Authorities say they now know the identity of the guy who made off with a pot of gold—quite literally. The man made off with a 65-pound bucket of gold flakes worth $1.6 million. He walked right past the security guards with the pot o’ gold in tow.

9. Canadians are just funnier. The folks at Canadian Global News Network spent last week tasting holiday morsels from the team. This particular artichoke dip didn’t make the cut. But it did spark some fun.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New Year, my dear readers.